Another year. Another beer.
Here’s what happened in 2012.
∞ Mark Sloan AND Lexie Grey died. In a plane crash! Sounds pathetic, but I was actually kind of broken up about it. They really were meant to be together and then… bam… out of nowhere, she’s trapped under the wing and his chest collapses. Thankfully, they had a teary moment where they professed their love right before she said goodbye to the world. He held on, you know, for the baby (not his baby with Lexie… you know, the one with his other baby mama, Callie the lesbian). But then, in the end, true love broke his heart and he died too.
Who else died?
∞ Ooh… Elena! Well, Stefan did his best to try to save her in that accident… you know, the one where the truck went over the bridge? But she was wildly gesturing to Matt, mouthing “save HIM, save HIM!” – So, Stefan ended up following his true love’s wishes. She ends up drowning. But, luckily, Elena had just enough vampire blood in her actually turn her into a trampire (well, if she fed within the day)… and she did! Sooo… now she is one of the undead (with REALLY good teeth and hair). Damon was all like “what did you do?” and Stefan was all like “she wanted it this way…” this went on for a while and then it was a full-on Salvatore brawl or whatever.
∞ So, Chuck’s dad was sort of dead and then so not dead. And Lily had married Rufus after Bart’s funeral but then he comes back. She feels badly, you know? Because she’s gone off and married another guy? So she divorces this guy and remarries Bart. Then, she finds out that he’s really some sort of criminal buying oil illegally and then… crap, I got divorced for this? But, she can’t turn around and get back with him because he’s already moved on! With the swindler girl, Ivy, who used to be Charlie until they found out that she stole the identity of Lily’s long-lost niece! And, on a separate subject, does NO ONE else find it strange that Nate (in his mid-twenties) is dating a girl in high school?
∞ Nate died. No, not THAT Nate. Michael’s brother. Michael spent SO much time trying to spring Fiona from jail; he totally let his own brother die. Now who got burned? Ooh, burn!
∞ So Emily FINALLY got rid of that white-haired man (no, that’s really what they called him on the show). Exciting, right? Well, not as exciting as it WOULD be if she actually killed Ashley D. That gurrrl needs ta go. And who is buying this awkward chemistry with Daniel? I think that Bella and Jacob had more heat than these two yahoos.
Now, here is a list of characters that NEED to be blown up in a factory accident:
Jenna Maroney (30 Rock)
Callie (The Glades). Also, her son Jeff. And you may as well throw in the new captain while we’re at it, just for good measure.
The Reaper Weirdo (Being Human). Just because you open your eyes wide in every shot does not make you more mysterious. It just makes you super creepy (and not in a good way).
Pierce (Community). Oh wait, that is going to happen.
Declan (Revenge). I just don’t like him. He’s not cute, he’s not funny, he’s not interesting and he’s a terrible actor. I see a boating accident in his future. Or wait! You know that mold that they had removed from the bar? Well, maybe he ends up drinking a bottle of drain cleaner instead of gin. One has nothing to do with the other, I realize. Either way, he must die.
The fake Amanda Clarke (Revenge). Emily needs to just take her out to the docks for a long walk. I know that she just had that baby and all, but couldn’t this just be Emily’s opportunity to steal the baby, run away with Jack and complete the Grayson implosion?
Well, I’ve rattled about what Rob and I have done this year for FAR too long.
And now, back to your regularly scheduled programming.
XOXO.
