Okay... this may be a short one, people. They wasted 2 hours of my time and I'm not about to waste 2 hours of yours.
First of all, who knew that Ryan owned jeans? I thought he just woke up in a Gucci suit.
Jasmine (yeah, that's right) Murray: She had more attitude than Mo'Nique in a Tyler Perry film, up there cocking her head and givin us one of those "no you di-int" looks for her minute and a half. Unfortunately, the silver Members Only jacket may have to retire itself after last night. She's not good enough... and after the judges told her, she looked a little defeated... although I really expected her to wave a long acrylic at them and say "oh helllll no. Uh uh." Too bad... that would have made for great television.
Matt (piano man) Giraud: So, what happened to this guy? He was the one to watch... now, he'll be the one watching from his couch at home as he watches 11 contestants who aren't as good as him compete for HIS prize, g*dd*m*t! You know, Viva La Vida is an awesome song, but it doesn't sound as good when you are singing through a kazoo. I didn't actually see the kazoo, but I'm sure it was there. And he didn't do any of the dramatic Chris Martin moves either... he didn't drop to the floor and throw his hands in the air once. Uh... can anyone say disappointment? Hey, Chris Martin didn't land Gwyneth Paltrow by standing stone faced at a microphone. Move your ass, Giraud.
Jeanine (Please, please, please) Vailes: I just felt badly for this girl. I wanted to call in when the night was over, simply so that I wouldn't have to watch her beg for votes on national television anymore. She was up there (with her Beyonce lubed up gams) begging us to reconsider, because even she knew that she just wasn't good enough. Poor Jeanine. Maybe a little less baby oil and maybe a little more money thrown at a singing coach.
Nick (Norman Gentle) Mitchell: As Simon referred to it... Horrific comedy. Well, my husband seems to like it... he's down there giggling like a teenage girl watching this guy lick the American Idol logo and scream "Doogie!" in between words. I'm just not feeling the "Norman" buzz... but there will probably be people out there who will... we may have a vote-for-the-worst on our hands.
Alison (I tried out for Paramore and all I got was this American Idol t-shirt) Iraheta: Here she is. Our little girl winner of this group. Comes complete with puffy red hair, black prom dress, ratted hose and five inch heels. She's a good singer... for that song. She has one of those girl rock voices that I'm not sure could go all that far on disco week. However, we will soon find out, because my guess is that she gets through. Although if the winning involves an interview... hmmm... she's about ten years away from public speaking.
Kris Allen: No. I can't discuss him. He sang Michael Jackson. Sorry. I'm not a Michael Jackson purist or anything. I just don't understand season after season why people do his songs and then get sent home. Deservedly so. Most people just sound ridiculous. And he did. Next.
Megan Joy (perma-smile) Corkrey: I thought her song was a little weak, but Paula seems to think that this girl is the second coming... although it is halfway through the show and she could have upped her meds a bit at the commercial break. Simon says that she's "memorable." I remember him saying that at the auditions... he said "I'm going to remember you." I wonder if that has anything to do with the sleeve of tattoos? Just a guess.
Matt (I'm not an oil rigger, but maybe the spell will work on welders) Breitzke: I think Matt's a little proud of himself. His notes weren't out of tune, but he was doing this strange robot-like move the entire song and he looked about as comfortable as you would if your grandma begged you to get up and sing at the family reunion. He's a back talker though... and as has been proved time and time again... don't back talk the judges. It's the quickest way to a plane ticket home.
Jessie (I really like the soul claps) Langseth: This girl is cute. And a good singer. But she doesn't have a shot. So, why discuss? Although, I think that's the first time I've ever heard Simon say "too cool for school," which was nice.
Kai (yo, my moms is here, yo) Kalama: To quote Simon... "Corny. Wedding. Hotel. Nothing original. Good backup singer. Karaoke..." Blah blah blah. You could go on all day about this guy... but bottom line. Buh bye, Kai.
Mishavonna (oh yeah, that's my name) Henson: Basically, I don't think this girl is too bad. But she's young and she picked a really mediocre song. I mean, it was mediocre when the band who made it scored a top hit with it for like 36 weeks or something. I think everyone is a little Jupiter-ed out after months of that drivel. Moving on.
Adam (I was in Rent!... or maybe not... I can't remember) Lambert: This guy was Rob Halpert, Freddie Mercury, Steven Tyler... all rolled up into one super mega star! Adam Lambert! I don't know that I care much for him, but he'll definitely make it through, I would bet. This guy is a freak on stage and no one knows what's going on... so I guess that means it's... good?
Predictions: Adam. Alison. Possibly between Nick/Norman and Matt (if people remember him from Hollywood and not his ghastly Chris Martin impersonation).
Peace out.
Oooh, did anyone watch Nip/Tuck Tuesday? A new guy defiled a couch! And an operating table! In the same episode! Now that's good television, people.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
American Idol 2/17/09
First of all... 2 hours? Wow... they really are stretching out their Coke dollars. 36 contestants? I don' t remember them having that many at this stage in the game... I'm a little rusty on the rules. As Paula pointed out... "this is the night... to make magic happen. So, you've gotta make the magic. Dream happen. Magic. And dreams." Uh huh.
I already can't remember the theme, but I think it's something about 100 years. Or the top 100 Billboard. Or 100 songs that make you feel good. Whatever the case may be, we've got a long night ahead of us.
Jackie (or "Mini-Feist"). I can't remember the song she sang. What I do remember is what she was wearing. A tube top, no bra, a gold necklace, Sandy's shiny pants ("think about it, stud") and Air Jordans. Rob says that Air Jordans are back. I just say that Air Jordans on a girl just shows bad taste. Gahhh! Have some respect. At least wear some old skool Puma low tops or something. Luckily, that giant red belt saved the outfit. It's not only fashionable, but also doubles as a bungee harness.
Let me bust in a minute to say how much I hate the new parent section to all of this. They interview the parents? That is just cruel. Hey... I just jacked up the only opportunity for stardom that I will ever get! Well... at least my mom is here to rub my back and tell me that she "loves me no matter what."
Ricky (I'm sensitive.). Song? I don't know. Brown velvet jacket? Check. Hair coiffed into a perfect duck bill? Check. Good singer. Might actually have a shot (having taped and listened to this before writing). I don't remember this guy AT ALL from the tryouts or Hollywood week. Did I ever see him before? Well, he's good. And his boyfriend thinks so too.
Alexis (I don't use protection.) Does anyone remember Melrose Place? This girl is a remake of Josie Bissett (or Jane, for those of you who haven't memorized all of the actresses in this fine drama) circa 1993. I feel like she should be shouting at Michael from the courtyard... eventually ending up in the pool in what could possibly be a wildly overplayed domestic dispute - only to end up "making love" on some beach chair while the evil Kimberly (played by vixen Marcia Cross) stares out of her window gripping a butchers knife... but I digress.
Brent (my last name is Keith. No relation to Toby. Although, wouldn't that be great? For my career, I mean?) He's a country bumpkin. Sorry. But he is. And definitely not hot enough to get by just based on looks. I'm afraid he'll have to take his "old country swagga" (thank you, Randy) and move on back to oil rigging or whatever. No, wait... that's the OTHER guy going home tonight.
Stevie (I'm seventeen! I swear to God.) Oh Stevie. Stevie. Stevie. I'm embarrassed for her. It's not only her singing. It's her bad outfit. It's her weird desperation... well, it doesn't really matter, because she's a-goin-home, folks.
Anoop (Or "Noop Dogg," as he is so desperate to become). Song is lame. But his voice is good. Wicked. Once again, too bad he sang that song. It was funny because in his little montage thingie, he mentions how he just wants to sing songs that he wishes other people would sing when he watches the show. I have NEVER watched that show and thought... you know what I wish someone would sing? A slow ballad by Monica. Who is Monica?
Casey Carlson (You betcha, Joe!). Oh boy. Here she goes. Singing a classic Police song. This song has been once done by a woman. In case you haven't heard... the lovely Shawn Colvin took a crack at this one in the late 90s. It wasn't that great. And it was Shawn Colvin. Come on, man... all the winks and the wind swept hair and the gold lame dresses in the world aren't going to save you here. At the end, I actually thought she was going to give us a little jazz hands. But in true, typical American Idol style, she does the kick-out-to-the-side-hands-in-the-air move at the end. I'm more embarrassed than I was for Stevie.
Michael Sarver (Ah, yes... THIS is the actual oil rigger). I never thought I would say this in a million years, but I actually agreed with Paula on this one. Yes, Paula. When she said that he moved the microphone back and forth too often, I almost screamed at the tv "YES!" That boy moved that mic more than that Casey girl winked at us. At the end though, he had his "stage wife" explaining "the plan" to Ryan (in case this one didn't work out).
Ann Marie (I'm white.). Oh Ann Marie. The Queen of Soul? Really? Unless you are Kelly Clarkson, you cannot pull this out. She does look a little like the girl in Ferris Bueller though, right? I mean... at least she's got THAT going for her.
Steven Fowler (I got through a song!). Man, you know... I didn't like the song... but did they have to remind that dude like 80 times that he forgot the lyrics to that David Cook song? I mean, I'm sure he was already embarrassed enough. And the fact that they kept bringing it up... he's going to get cut tomorrow night (you got the memo, right?) and the only thing that anyone is ever going to remember about this guy is that he was the guy with the kinky fro that forgot his words. And Paula tells him "hey, you know... you should have come back and sang that song AGAIN to prove to us that you know the words." Let it go already. The kid was practically crying.
Tatiana del Toro (ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...). As they said nicely... she had "moments." I don't know that I would have gone all that far with it, but whatever. She wasn't nearly as nuts today. I'm sure she's just repressing her nutjar tendencies... we shall see if she gets through tomorrow... she is, after all, the number one post on votefortheworst.
Danny Govey (did you hear I'm a widow?). Great voice. Nice face. But Simon... well... he's not "buying the hype." I have a feeling that he'll be eating his words in a month when that guy is the front runner to win this thing and he has to sign him to his label... then it will be all "I dis-cov-ah-ed him..."
My picks to stay:
Boy: Danny Govey
Girl: Alexis (Josie Bissett) Grace
Wild Card: Ricky Braddy
Seacrest out.
Jackie (or "Mini-Feist"). I can't remember the song she sang. What I do remember is what she was wearing. A tube top, no bra, a gold necklace, Sandy's shiny pants ("think about it, stud") and Air Jordans. Rob says that Air Jordans are back. I just say that Air Jordans on a girl just shows bad taste. Gahhh! Have some respect. At least wear some old skool Puma low tops or something. Luckily, that giant red belt saved the outfit. It's not only fashionable, but also doubles as a bungee harness.
Let me bust in a minute to say how much I hate the new parent section to all of this. They interview the parents? That is just cruel. Hey... I just jacked up the only opportunity for stardom that I will ever get! Well... at least my mom is here to rub my back and tell me that she "loves me no matter what."
Ricky (I'm sensitive.). Song? I don't know. Brown velvet jacket? Check. Hair coiffed into a perfect duck bill? Check. Good singer. Might actually have a shot (having taped and listened to this before writing). I don't remember this guy AT ALL from the tryouts or Hollywood week. Did I ever see him before? Well, he's good. And his boyfriend thinks so too.
Alexis (I don't use protection.) Does anyone remember Melrose Place? This girl is a remake of Josie Bissett (or Jane, for those of you who haven't memorized all of the actresses in this fine drama) circa 1993. I feel like she should be shouting at Michael from the courtyard... eventually ending up in the pool in what could possibly be a wildly overplayed domestic dispute - only to end up "making love" on some beach chair while the evil Kimberly (played by vixen Marcia Cross) stares out of her window gripping a butchers knife... but I digress.
Brent (my last name is Keith. No relation to Toby. Although, wouldn't that be great? For my career, I mean?) He's a country bumpkin. Sorry. But he is. And definitely not hot enough to get by just based on looks. I'm afraid he'll have to take his "old country swagga" (thank you, Randy) and move on back to oil rigging or whatever. No, wait... that's the OTHER guy going home tonight.
Stevie (I'm seventeen! I swear to God.) Oh Stevie. Stevie. Stevie. I'm embarrassed for her. It's not only her singing. It's her bad outfit. It's her weird desperation... well, it doesn't really matter, because she's a-goin-home, folks.
Anoop (Or "Noop Dogg," as he is so desperate to become). Song is lame. But his voice is good. Wicked. Once again, too bad he sang that song. It was funny because in his little montage thingie, he mentions how he just wants to sing songs that he wishes other people would sing when he watches the show. I have NEVER watched that show and thought... you know what I wish someone would sing? A slow ballad by Monica. Who is Monica?
Casey Carlson (You betcha, Joe!). Oh boy. Here she goes. Singing a classic Police song. This song has been once done by a woman. In case you haven't heard... the lovely Shawn Colvin took a crack at this one in the late 90s. It wasn't that great. And it was Shawn Colvin. Come on, man... all the winks and the wind swept hair and the gold lame dresses in the world aren't going to save you here. At the end, I actually thought she was going to give us a little jazz hands. But in true, typical American Idol style, she does the kick-out-to-the-side-hands-in-the-air move at the end. I'm more embarrassed than I was for Stevie.
Michael Sarver (Ah, yes... THIS is the actual oil rigger). I never thought I would say this in a million years, but I actually agreed with Paula on this one. Yes, Paula. When she said that he moved the microphone back and forth too often, I almost screamed at the tv "YES!" That boy moved that mic more than that Casey girl winked at us. At the end though, he had his "stage wife" explaining "the plan" to Ryan (in case this one didn't work out).
Ann Marie (I'm white.). Oh Ann Marie. The Queen of Soul? Really? Unless you are Kelly Clarkson, you cannot pull this out. She does look a little like the girl in Ferris Bueller though, right? I mean... at least she's got THAT going for her.
Steven Fowler (I got through a song!). Man, you know... I didn't like the song... but did they have to remind that dude like 80 times that he forgot the lyrics to that David Cook song? I mean, I'm sure he was already embarrassed enough. And the fact that they kept bringing it up... he's going to get cut tomorrow night (you got the memo, right?) and the only thing that anyone is ever going to remember about this guy is that he was the guy with the kinky fro that forgot his words. And Paula tells him "hey, you know... you should have come back and sang that song AGAIN to prove to us that you know the words." Let it go already. The kid was practically crying.
Tatiana del Toro (ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...). As they said nicely... she had "moments." I don't know that I would have gone all that far with it, but whatever. She wasn't nearly as nuts today. I'm sure she's just repressing her nutjar tendencies... we shall see if she gets through tomorrow... she is, after all, the number one post on votefortheworst.
Danny Govey (did you hear I'm a widow?). Great voice. Nice face. But Simon... well... he's not "buying the hype." I have a feeling that he'll be eating his words in a month when that guy is the front runner to win this thing and he has to sign him to his label... then it will be all "I dis-cov-ah-ed him..."
My picks to stay:
Boy: Danny Govey
Girl: Alexis (Josie Bissett) Grace
Wild Card: Ricky Braddy
Seacrest out.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
First Blog... EVER!
Well, here's the deal. I'm not a blogger. I don't know much about blogging. I have read a few, but basically what I am going to share is not informational, political or otherwise. Basically, I like to talk about tv. I like to talk about movies. I like to talk about music. So, I set this up (or rather, Rob set this up) to share (or vent) about those topics.
Song of the week: "Misunderstood" - Common feat. Bilal
Worth mentioning: "Sugar" She Wants Revenge"
Movie of the week: Lifetime's "Not Without my Daughter" (that's a joke. But seriously, there's a movie with that title)
I did just see Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist just this afternoon. It's a lovely film about teenage intoxication, bands and a lot of driving. Here's my question. These kids are from Hoboken. And 17. Yet, ALL of them know every cross street and club in New York City. The writers may have been stretching it a little on that one. I can barely find my way around downtown Indianapolis with a GPS. There were some interesting tracks in this film... only problem, you barely got to hear any of them, because they were usually overshadowed by the teenaged pithy dialogue. I'm always looking for smart teenagers in films... however, these teenagers may have been a little TOO smart for their own smarty pants. However, the scene where the drunk friend sticks her hand in the toilet (in which she just defiled) to get her gum is priceless. I squinted my eyes and looked away a little. Norah's cute... and I just want to fold Michael Cera up into a little box and stick him in my pocket... but... not sure I am ready to run out and buy this one just yet.
Two movies at home (Neflix!): Crank... a movie about an ornery baby and The Mist... a fable about a broken sprinkler. I'll let you know how they turn out.
It's Sunday. So... go to church or something.
In the words of David Cook, keep a light on for me, bitches.
Song of the week: "Misunderstood" - Common feat. Bilal
Worth mentioning: "Sugar" She Wants Revenge"
Movie of the week: Lifetime's "Not Without my Daughter" (that's a joke. But seriously, there's a movie with that title)
I did just see Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist just this afternoon. It's a lovely film about teenage intoxication, bands and a lot of driving. Here's my question. These kids are from Hoboken. And 17. Yet, ALL of them know every cross street and club in New York City. The writers may have been stretching it a little on that one. I can barely find my way around downtown Indianapolis with a GPS. There were some interesting tracks in this film... only problem, you barely got to hear any of them, because they were usually overshadowed by the teenaged pithy dialogue. I'm always looking for smart teenagers in films... however, these teenagers may have been a little TOO smart for their own smarty pants. However, the scene where the drunk friend sticks her hand in the toilet (in which she just defiled) to get her gum is priceless. I squinted my eyes and looked away a little. Norah's cute... and I just want to fold Michael Cera up into a little box and stick him in my pocket... but... not sure I am ready to run out and buy this one just yet.
Two movies at home (Neflix!): Crank... a movie about an ornery baby and The Mist... a fable about a broken sprinkler. I'll let you know how they turn out.
It's Sunday. So... go to church or something.
In the words of David Cook, keep a light on for me, bitches.
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