Why I Hate (Some) People

1. I sit along a wall in my office. This wall butts up against a vending machine. All day long, I have to hear people banging and shaking the machine. Quit it. You probably didn’t need those Skittles anyway.

2. I drive behind a lot of the same people on my way to work. About two times a week, I end up behind a (slow) car that has a bumper sticker that reads “I Love Cats.” If her life had a face, I would punch it.

3. There is a woman at my pool who constantly clips her toenails. I realize that she probably clips them once a week and her pool time is also her “clipping time,” but it makes me sick. Cutting nails is a private activity that should not be shared with unsuspecting neighbors.

4. The girl who works at the Starbucks always asks me “How’s tricks?” I’m not a prostitute… and it’s 7:30 in the morning. Please, just pass the coffee and move the f*ck out of my way.

5. When shopping, please keep a ten foot (or more) distance between you and the next person in line. When they are paying, you don’t need to know what kind of perfume they are wearing… so… back up.

5 a. Part 2: When you are checking out at a store, check out. No dilly dallying around at the register or adding things to your order by having your kid run back and try to find stuff. Wrap it up and GET OUT.

6. When you decide to wear skinny jeans, please think about it first. If you have love handles and/or a muffin top, reevaluate.

7. If you work in retail of sorts, please say “yes” instead of “uh huh” or “mm hmm.” Also, if I ask you where something is, tell me. Don’t point. I’ll break that finger off.

8. Paula Deen. I don’t have a real reason. I just do, y’all.

9. Ditto for the girl who is on “Bitchin Kitchen.” She SUCKS.

10. People who use Siri to find out if it’s raining. Open a window.