Okay... this may be a short one, people. They wasted 2 hours of my time and I'm not about to waste 2 hours of yours.
First of all, who knew that Ryan owned jeans? I thought he just woke up in a Gucci suit.
Jasmine (yeah, that's right) Murray: She had more attitude than Mo'Nique in a Tyler Perry film, up there cocking her head and givin us one of those "no you di-int" looks for her minute and a half. Unfortunately, the silver Members Only jacket may have to retire itself after last night. She's not good enough... and after the judges told her, she looked a little defeated... although I really expected her to wave a long acrylic at them and say "oh helllll no. Uh uh." Too bad... that would have made for great television.
Matt (piano man) Giraud: So, what happened to this guy? He was the one to watch... now, he'll be the one watching from his couch at home as he watches 11 contestants who aren't as good as him compete for HIS prize, g*dd*m*t! You know, Viva La Vida is an awesome song, but it doesn't sound as good when you are singing through a kazoo. I didn't actually see the kazoo, but I'm sure it was there. And he didn't do any of the dramatic Chris Martin moves either... he didn't drop to the floor and throw his hands in the air once. Uh... can anyone say disappointment? Hey, Chris Martin didn't land Gwyneth Paltrow by standing stone faced at a microphone. Move your ass, Giraud.
Jeanine (Please, please, please) Vailes: I just felt badly for this girl. I wanted to call in when the night was over, simply so that I wouldn't have to watch her beg for votes on national television anymore. She was up there (with her Beyonce lubed up gams) begging us to reconsider, because even she knew that she just wasn't good enough. Poor Jeanine. Maybe a little less baby oil and maybe a little more money thrown at a singing coach.
Nick (Norman Gentle) Mitchell: As Simon referred to it... Horrific comedy. Well, my husband seems to like it... he's down there giggling like a teenage girl watching this guy lick the American Idol logo and scream "Doogie!" in between words. I'm just not feeling the "Norman" buzz... but there will probably be people out there who will... we may have a vote-for-the-worst on our hands.
Alison (I tried out for Paramore and all I got was this American Idol t-shirt) Iraheta: Here she is. Our little girl winner of this group. Comes complete with puffy red hair, black prom dress, ratted hose and five inch heels. She's a good singer... for that song. She has one of those girl rock voices that I'm not sure could go all that far on disco week. However, we will soon find out, because my guess is that she gets through. Although if the winning involves an interview... hmmm... she's about ten years away from public speaking.
Kris Allen: No. I can't discuss him. He sang Michael Jackson. Sorry. I'm not a Michael Jackson purist or anything. I just don't understand season after season why people do his songs and then get sent home. Deservedly so. Most people just sound ridiculous. And he did. Next.
Megan Joy (perma-smile) Corkrey: I thought her song was a little weak, but Paula seems to think that this girl is the second coming... although it is halfway through the show and she could have upped her meds a bit at the commercial break. Simon says that she's "memorable." I remember him saying that at the auditions... he said "I'm going to remember you." I wonder if that has anything to do with the sleeve of tattoos? Just a guess.
Matt (I'm not an oil rigger, but maybe the spell will work on welders) Breitzke: I think Matt's a little proud of himself. His notes weren't out of tune, but he was doing this strange robot-like move the entire song and he looked about as comfortable as you would if your grandma begged you to get up and sing at the family reunion. He's a back talker though... and as has been proved time and time again... don't back talk the judges. It's the quickest way to a plane ticket home.
Jessie (I really like the soul claps) Langseth: This girl is cute. And a good singer. But she doesn't have a shot. So, why discuss? Although, I think that's the first time I've ever heard Simon say "too cool for school," which was nice.
Kai (yo, my moms is here, yo) Kalama: To quote Simon... "Corny. Wedding. Hotel. Nothing original. Good backup singer. Karaoke..." Blah blah blah. You could go on all day about this guy... but bottom line. Buh bye, Kai.
Mishavonna (oh yeah, that's my name) Henson: Basically, I don't think this girl is too bad. But she's young and she picked a really mediocre song. I mean, it was mediocre when the band who made it scored a top hit with it for like 36 weeks or something. I think everyone is a little Jupiter-ed out after months of that drivel. Moving on.
Adam (I was in Rent!... or maybe not... I can't remember) Lambert: This guy was Rob Halpert, Freddie Mercury, Steven Tyler... all rolled up into one super mega star! Adam Lambert! I don't know that I care much for him, but he'll definitely make it through, I would bet. This guy is a freak on stage and no one knows what's going on... so I guess that means it's... good?
Predictions: Adam. Alison. Possibly between Nick/Norman and Matt (if people remember him from Hollywood and not his ghastly Chris Martin impersonation).
Peace out.
Oooh, did anyone watch Nip/Tuck Tuesday? A new guy defiled a couch! And an operating table! In the same episode! Now that's good television, people.
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