MJ Night.

And it's go time!

1. Lil Rounds. Is her name really Lil? Like Lil-y of the Valley? Or Eli Lil-ly? Or is it Lil like Lil' Romeo or Lil' Wayne? Let's hope it's after the flower and not after the gold toothed criminal/"artist". Let me just say this. Lil has an ass on her. And nothing (and I mean nothing) quite accentuates an apple bottom like a pair of white pantaloons. Oh yeah... and she sang too.

2. Scott MacIntyre. He's "hopeful" and "sends a great message" and is "true" to himself... blah blah blah. But can he sing? Um... not so much. They want to see "more sparks" from him. I've got an idea. Hand him something hot and wait.

3. Danny Gokey. Ever notice how this guy has like ten pair of glasses? And each pair matches the shirt he has on? It's really quite lovely. So, his parents made him and his eighteen brothers and sisters sing for their supper... or something. Or maybe made them sing fractions... I can't remember, but apparently, it was all worth it because look at him now!

4. Michael Sarver. If I see that video of him at work one more time, I'm pretty sure I could go into the oil rigging business for myself. You take that huge wrench and crank it a few times to the left before another person pulls the handle down and waits... also, I would have rather seen him in his blue jumpsuit than another one of those awful black shirts with the Tommy Lee tribal tattoo graphic on the back of it. Were they having a sale that day? He wore an identical one in white just 2 weeks ago. He's got the stylist now... branch out.

5. Jasmine Murray. Is it my imagination or did mom have an oopsy with Miss Jasmine? Okay, I'm not saying that mom is collecting social security yet, but she definitely subscribes to the AARP magazine. Her sisters are like 42 and 47. They are cougars for sure, but whoa! Mom was wearing the Beyonce classic "hairpiece" tonight. "Hairpiece" sounds so much better than "weave."

6. Kris Allen. He and his wife are so cute... they show them with a pot of boiling water in the kitchen and BOTH of them are reading the label on the spaghetti trying to figure out how to cook it. Aw... how sweet... and mildly embarrassing. He's cute with his little guitar. I may have an inappropriate crush (again). It happens every season.

7. Alison Iraheta. This girl HAS to stop talking in interviews. At the end, did she actually tell the judges that the song was about a cutter? I couldn't make it out but they said something to her about the song and she said "well, it's not like the song is very upbeat... it's like about a cutter." Then I actually think I saw Paula kind of hold her finger up to her lips as if to "shush" her. I love it. When freakin PAULA thinks you are inappropriate, you are just being borderline offensive.

8. Anoop Desai. Oh Anoop. First off, I'm upset that you did that cheesy song. But whatever. My real gripe with the night is that nobody sang that Ben song about the rat. Next.

9. Jorge Nunez. When Jorge's family puts on a party, they aren't messing around. Did you see all of those people? He said "it's nice that American Idol brought my family back together..." - they pan to this group of people and it looks like some sort of work party with 55 co-workers, their spouses and children. Holy mother of God.

10. Megan Corkrey. Thank God she has all of that nice ink on her. That's all I've got. Love the tattoos... hate the singing.

11. Adam Lambert. She is fierce tonight! She comes out with her black fingernail polish... her hair-r did a little differently than last week... who knew that the song "Black and White" was originally done by Judas Priest? If they ever have a glam rock/metal night, she has got this one in the bag. All the other bitches need to just stay home. So afterwards, he's up there and the judges are gushing... blah blah... we love you... you are the second coming... and Kara says "Michael Jackson would be proud..." Adam mouths "I love him!" We know you do, girl!

12. Matt Giraud. I love the background videos of the parents at home talking about how great their kid is. Matt's dad is doing some sort of dance... he's almost fully on the ground. I wonder if I were on American Idol if I would let my dad be on camera for any length of time. They could video tape him mowing the lawn in the backyard with no shirt... or better yet... coming in from mowing and then sitting down at the dinner table (still with no shirt) gripping his knife and fork and banging on the table yelling "Let's eat! Let's eat!" Maybe they could follow him to the pool and watch him wrestle with a silver raft for twenty minutes... all of these moments would be priceless. Hell, they wouldn't want me after taping him for half a day...

13. Alexis Grace. She's little. She's spunky. And maybe a little bit punky. Like what I did just then? Anyway, she's kind of lame... but she does wear a mean short-short. There just aren't that many girls who can pull off a tube top this day and age.

My picks to go (two go, ladies and gents).

Jorge (even though I love his unibrowed ass...)
Jasmine

But if there is any justice in the world, it would be Megan.

Kisses. Later, hookers.